Does my Bum look Big in this? Hell Yeah!!

In Midlife Rablings on September 26, 2011 at 6:23 am

I live in my head,all the time my mind is on the go,judging my actions, my appearance, my life and that of those around me,I am it is fair to say paranoid! Fair for me to say it NOT others!

During our one and only attempt at marriage counseling my ex said “you see my wife is oversensitive””give me an example” she said,he muttered something about taking all his “jokes” too seriously,She then turned to me and said “can you give me an example?”

I sat there with tears streaming down my face as I had since we arrived,staying quiet and letting him do all the talking.An example she wanted,could I give her one?Sadly I could give her a thousand.

She stared at me I think with sympathy.In my head I was screaming let me out of here this is a useless exercise.

But no true to fashion I had agreed to go at least once to keep everyone else happy.

Who knew that falling out of love would affect so many others,everyone had an opinion and bucketfuls of advice.So selecting perhaps the example that would highlight just what my marriage had come down to I relayed to her an insult so hurtful to me that she couldn’t fail to understand my pain.

Why I had asked him did he no longer want to make love to me?

A fair enough question given that after the birth of our first child he had left me for another.His answer?….and it still smarts to this day was that I was” too fat and that my Arse was growing up my back”! Ok I wasn’t a size zero but for my height I was at worst maybe 2 stone over weight but it was all in proportion.I too didn’t like my bum but figured that after 3 kids and 18 yrs we loved each other no matter what size or shape we had become.(I hated his feet and knobbly knees but I never told him)As I said the words out loud he smiled with embarrassment and she I’m sure winced,and then she surprised me by asking him if I was supposed to have found that funny ?

Without me saying anything more I realised that at last someone else could see what he was and what I had spent years putting up with,as we left she put a something in my bag,on later inspection I found a leaflet on domestic abuse,not so much physical but mental.Is it any wonder I have low self esteem?

He was beside himself with anger,he truly believed that she had the power to make me change my mind and stay with him,and when she told him she thought my mind was already made up he nearly blew a fuse,telling her she wasn’t doing her job!!! I felt I had found a fellow member of the Spice Girls!!! Girl Power!

Months later and 4 stone lighter whilst dropping off the kids to him he asked “Why couldn’t you look like that when we were together?”Same old charm!! Revenge is sweet but in my case short lived!My Bum back has returned  and he is now planning on marrying a size 10 blonde with a tiny bum! Damn!!!!

Do I care? No I don’t but in my head I’m screaming “Wait till she finds out what a shallow bar steward he is!!! Move on.


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