desperatedaisy

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INSIDE I’M SCREAMING!

In A broken heart, Being a Mum, Devils child?, Empty nest, He's gone, Love that child on December 30, 2012 at 2:06 pm

INSIDE I’M SCREAMING!.

IN MY HEAD I’M SCREAMING-NOOOOOOOO!

In just say no, Nooooooooooo, why me? on December 30, 2012 at 2:02 pm

IN MY HEAD I’M SCREAMING-NOOOOOOOO!.

Better the devil you know?

In failed again!, Help!, new start?, Now what?, Sad, Slipping away on December 30, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Better the devil you know?.

YoYo the wonder diet?

In Another diet!, Midlife Rablings, Never satisfied, poor me on December 30, 2012 at 1:52 pm

YoYo the wonder diet?.

I Can’t Sleep!!!

In Beauty sleep, I'm tired!!, Long hot sleepless nights, Midlife Rablings, poor me, sleep on December 30, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I Can’t Sleep!!!.

Better the Devil you Know (part 2)

In Men, Midlife Rablings, poor me, relationships on December 30, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Better the Devil you Know (part 2).

Better the Devil you Know (part 2)

In Uncategorized on October 5, 2011 at 11:11 pm

When is enough enough? I remember asking,Saturday night is the answer!

After working away for a whole week with only one very short text as communication my sofa loving side kick arrives home to find me not well,spoils me with a takeaway and a mountain of chocolate (how sweet you are thinking) think again.Spends the next 2 days on his hobby,and I mean 2 whole days away from the house,12 hours at a time!!  tells me to relax he will take the dogs out and promptly falls asleep and wonders why I’m not thrilled!!

Next morning.

So very calmly I suggest that as we are rubbish at this we should be housemates not partners,no fuss no fighting.He then reminds me how nice he has been,you know the takeaway and chocs.Why do they always require Brownie points??When have I ever said “did you enjoy wearing your clean under pants” or don’t you love it when I do ALL the housework,shopping ,ironing,DIY…………..Aaaarrrrhhhh!!!!He then says that should I die how upset he would be that he had made me so unhappy!!well der!!!!

I explained that if I did die he wouldn’t notice till he runs out of underwear!!,and he really won’t have to worry as nothing will change for him,except now he will be under no pressure to act as a boyfriend and I can stop being disappointed that he doesn’t.It’s a win win situation surely?

So here we are(I thought) accepting without fighting like teenagers that we are now no longer a couple but happy to continue as ‘friends’.Oh no, I hear through the grapevine that he doesn’t think we have split up and that he is giving me space!!!!! and blow me down with a feather he has changed his screen saver to a picture of me!!(it was a picture of his prized Golf Club.I give up, this man has the hide of a Rhino.

On the upside he has started washing up !

I Can’t Sleep!!!

In Midlife Rablings on September 29, 2011 at 10:44 pm

I can’t sleep again!!

I don’t think I have slept through the night for years,at least it feels like I haven’t.

The cause tonight?The flu,alright well maybe it is just a cold but it feels like the flu!I’m all hot and bothered with a streaming nose a tight chest and a cough oh and a sore throat which I just made worse by swallowing 2 paracetamol that I took after rubbing Olbas Oil on my nightdress,hot tip…wash hands after using Olbas Oil!Could have been a lot worse!!

Normally I can’t sleep for the hot flushes or noisy neighbours or kids TV and most nights my sofa loving sidekicks snoring, burping. bottom coughing, duvet throwing antics are thrown in for good measure,he always throws one pillow off the bed during the night and sometimes just when I’m just drifting off whips MY pillow out from under my head believing it to be his,thanks sweetheart.Throw into the mix 2 or 3 trips to the bathroom and the night is pretty much over before I have any beauty sleep and good god it is starting to show!

I have 3 lovely children,lovely when they are awake,during the night as little ones they never slept a night through till they went to school,what with night terrors, bed wetting and losing their blankie!  there are 4 years between each of them,not planned but Gods way of telling me he thought I was beautiful enough!So why would I want anymore sleep!!

So when am I ever going to get a decent night sleep?It had better be soon before I start bed wetting or wearing nappies again! Pass the tissues dear it’s going to be a long night.

 

YoYo the wonder diet?

In Midlife Rablings on September 26, 2011 at 9:54 pm

Have you heard of the Yo Yo diet?Sounds like it might be sponsored by Cadbury’s in the form of a delicious bar of some wonder food covered in smooth creamy chocolate that magically helps you slim.Yeah right!

I’ve been quite successful on this diet,I have lost around 10 stone! ooh! now you are impressed,don’t be. Over the last 20 years I have lost and regained the same stone or two 7 or 8 times!What an idiot! Everytime I lost weight I vowed never to let it return but it always did.I have ruined my metabolism my skin and my bank balance,every new fad diet going has been tried by me and even the sensible calorie controlled one that actually does work and doesn’t cost an arm and a leg so why did I start this stupid cycle?To fit in? to be more attractive to the opposite sex?,to annoy those of the same-sex? I  don’t know! The sad fact is that I wasn’t that fat! well covered, curvy, womanly even.But not fat enough that I couldn’t get into a sports car or go for a run or dance the night away,I wore a bikini I had a sex life so what was missing in my life that made me want to change so much and force myself to starve for weeks and months  on end? Whatever it was I’m over it,I’m all dieted out!This is me!!! I’m healthy and fortunate never to have even broken a bone,I can shop on the high street and occasionally get chatted up so what is the point of putting myself though it again.So if they ever do bring out a diet bar that looks smells and tastes like chocolate and promises to help me shed a few pounds will I be tempted to try it??

You can bet your life I will!!

Does my Bum look Big in this? Hell Yeah!!

In Midlife Rablings on September 26, 2011 at 6:23 am

I live in my head,all the time my mind is on the go,judging my actions, my appearance, my life and that of those around me,I am it is fair to say paranoid! Fair for me to say it NOT others!

During our one and only attempt at marriage counseling my ex said “you see my wife is oversensitive””give me an example” she said,he muttered something about taking all his “jokes” too seriously,She then turned to me and said “can you give me an example?”

I sat there with tears streaming down my face as I had since we arrived,staying quiet and letting him do all the talking.An example she wanted,could I give her one?Sadly I could give her a thousand.

She stared at me I think with sympathy.In my head I was screaming let me out of here this is a useless exercise.

But no true to fashion I had agreed to go at least once to keep everyone else happy.

Who knew that falling out of love would affect so many others,everyone had an opinion and bucketfuls of advice.So selecting perhaps the example that would highlight just what my marriage had come down to I relayed to her an insult so hurtful to me that she couldn’t fail to understand my pain.

Why I had asked him did he no longer want to make love to me?

A fair enough question given that after the birth of our first child he had left me for another.His answer?….and it still smarts to this day was that I was” too fat and that my Arse was growing up my back”! Ok I wasn’t a size zero but for my height I was at worst maybe 2 stone over weight but it was all in proportion.I too didn’t like my bum but figured that after 3 kids and 18 yrs we loved each other no matter what size or shape we had become.(I hated his feet and knobbly knees but I never told him)As I said the words out loud he smiled with embarrassment and she I’m sure winced,and then she surprised me by asking him if I was supposed to have found that funny ?

Without me saying anything more I realised that at last someone else could see what he was and what I had spent years putting up with,as we left she put a something in my bag,on later inspection I found a leaflet on domestic abuse,not so much physical but mental.Is it any wonder I have low self esteem?

He was beside himself with anger,he truly believed that she had the power to make me change my mind and stay with him,and when she told him she thought my mind was already made up he nearly blew a fuse,telling her she wasn’t doing her job!!! I felt I had found a fellow member of the Spice Girls!!! Girl Power!

Months later and 4 stone lighter whilst dropping off the kids to him he asked “Why couldn’t you look like that when we were together?”Same old charm!! Revenge is sweet but in my case short lived!My Bum back has returned  and he is now planning on marrying a size 10 blonde with a tiny bum! Damn!!!!

Do I care? No I don’t but in my head I’m screaming “Wait till she finds out what a shallow bar steward he is!!! Move on.